Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m doomed. That’s irrational and pathetic, but it’s true. I wander JCPenney by myself. Now you’re asking me to bring somebody else in.
Well, that’s a pretty tough sell, but what the hell?

I watch the fog crawl over the hill sign that reads the name of the city that sits beside from my balcony and I decide I’m not sure I want to go outside. But if I don’t, it means I’m lazy. And if I’m lazy, I am useless. And if I’m useless, what’s the appeal of me? What will become of this six months from today? I’m not sure where I fell but it’s far too late to pick back up. It’s a little hard to tell you I’m terrified, but I’m not sure of what.

Sometimes I feel the need to be subdued so I don’t throw up and pass out in the middle of Whole Foods ruminating on all the shit that could go wrong.
Are you positive you want to come along?

Stayed up too late last night doing nothing. I was drinking by myself, fully conscious that means I’m lonely and I am sad. It was energizing to bask in that with every Diet Coke and Jack I poured. I was blinking one eye at a time. There was still a week to change my mind. But time moves fast, that week has past, and that optimism never lasts

I’m sorry in advance I don’t exude confidence that we’re not completely screwed. It’s a mindset that I hope you understand: If it can happen, it’ll happen so long as it’s bad.

There’s panic in my fingers. There’s panic in my toes.Panic is all around me and so the panic grows. My family tried to warn me, they all said wait and see. Now I believe in panic. There’s panic inside of me

I wonder what you’ll do if I wake you up at 2 AM just pacing around our breakfast bar afraid that I am dying. Will you be bothered by the worry? And the wide-eyed paranoia? Will you say “I never would’ve come here if I actually knew you”? Will you forget all of the good shit that originally drew you to me? Will you push that all away? Will you even last a day here? Will we have to say to our families that we mutually agreed if it could have ever worked it was definitely the wrong time? Is it OK with you that I go into modes and cannot answer why? The only thing to do is listen until it’s come and it has gone.
Do you know that if I’m angry it’s because it’s difficult to cry?
Do you know that if I’m yelling I might as well be yelling at the sky?